


Polyjuice Mayhem

by snapealina



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, and Silliness, and revenge, established but secret Snupin relationship, polyjuice, so much polyjuice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 20:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5883913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapealina/pseuds/snapealina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Weasley-twins wants revenge on Severus, but you don’t mess with Severus Snape and get away with it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Severus Snape Big Bang Birthday Bash in 2010
> 
> Characters belong to JK Rowling

“Well, I’m still giving it a try. Who’s with me?” Fred decided to ignore Ginny’s warning. He wanted to listen to this Order meeting.   
  
“I’m in!” Harry said at once, quickly followed by George and Ron. The two girls sighed, but followed the boys into the hallway anyway.  
  
Fred dropped one end of the Ears over the rail, and together with George tried to steer them in the direction of the kitchen door, something Crookshanks found very amusing. The cat jumped at the fleshy string and started attacking it. George reacted on impulse and sent a stunning spell at the cat, which froze immediately.  
  
“Oh, sorry Hermione,” George turned to the girl who looked as if she was about to explode. “Er… I’ll Rennervate him later. I promise!”  
  
They finally managed to sneak the Ears through the door. They could hear voices arguing, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. The Ears were wriggling and searching for better reception when, all of a sudden, it all went quiet. A bit too quiet. The twins steered the Ears around to get the sound back, and Ron looked down to see if Crookshanks was at it again, but the cat was still stunned.   
  
Suddenly an odd beeping sound started coming from the ears, and quickly it grew louder and louder before it ended with a huge bang and the speaker blasted open.  
  
The kids jumped back covering their ears. Ron was on the floor writhing in pain while Hermione and Ginny was checking if he was ok. Harry and the twins looked down at the kitchen door and noticed that the string had changed from a pale fleshy colour to jet black.  
  
The kitchen door burst open and out came Severus Snape followed by Molly Weasley. The twins and Harry ducked, but it was too late.   
  
“Not so fast!” Molly Weasley yelled. “Get down here at once. All of you!” The kids walked slowly down the stairs, heads hung lowly. Snape nodded towards Molly and bid them all good night before the turned around and headed towards the door with a snarky smirk on his face.  
  
“Greasy git,” George muttered as Snape left Number 12 Grimmauld Place.  
  
“That was the last one,” Fred sighed and sat down on the stairs. George followed. “Honestly, he’s worse than Mum.”  
  
“What? He’s done it before? Harry asked surprisingly.  
  
“Oh yeah,” the twins chorused.   
  
“And not only the Extendable Ears, I might add,” Fred continued. “We have the Sneaking Snakes, the Worming Wireless Walkie-Talkies, the Rolling Recorders, all of our spying equipment.”  
  
“Don’t forget the Creeping Cameras” George interrupted.  
  
“What happened?” asked Harry.  
“We really don’t want to go into it right now, if you don’t mind.” George sighed. “Let’s just say that it involves Snape, the Creeping Cameras and an awful lot of Shrinking Solution. We’ve looked everywhere for them.” The twins moaned in unison, their heads in their hands, looking miserable.  
Mrs. Weasley called for dinner and Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione left the twins moping on the stairs.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
After a couple of minutes Fred got up. “You know, George. We’ve got to do something about that old, greasy wanker.”  
  
George followed his lead. “You’re right, Fred. He can’t go around stuffing other people’s lives up like that, just because he’s a miserable old git. That man really needs to loosen up and get laid or something…”  
  
Fred’s eyes lit up and a mischievous grin appeared on his face. “That’s it!”  
  
George looked puzzled? “What?”  
  
“Get laid!” Fred explained.  
  
George was utterly shocked at his brother’s comment. “Don’t tell me you want to shag that greasy bastard?”  
  
“Not me, you idiot, but we’ll find someone that will.”  
  
“And who in their right mind would want to do that?”   
  
Fred’s smiled vanished. “You’re right. No one’s that desperate…”  
  
“And is the point to punish him, or to reward him?” George followed.  
  
“Punish!” they both said in unison.  
  
“Then we need to come up with another plan. I want revenge!”  
  
“Me too!”  
  
They went downstairs to join the rest for dinner.   
  
Later that evening Fred and George Weasley lay in their beds in their bedroom at Grimmauld Place. They had finally been let in on the whole order business thanks to Sirius and Harry and neither could sleep with their minds full of thoughts.  
  
“Well, at least now we don’t need our spying devices anymore,” Fred said suddenly.  
  
“I still want revenge, though,” said his brother.  
  
“Yeah, me too,” Fred agreed  
  
They both lay for a while, staring at the ceiling. George had almost fallen asleep when his brother suddenly sat upright in his bed shouting. “I’ve got it!!!”  
  
George woke with a start, yawned and turned to his twin. “Got what?”  
  
“How we can punish Snape.”  
  
George suddenly felt a lot more awake and sat up. “How?”  
  
Fred grinned. “It was your idea actually…”  
  
“Mine?” George looked puzzled.  
  
“Yes, what you said about getting him laid.” Fred chuckled.  
  
“But I thought the whole idea was to punish him, not reward him.” George interrupted.  
  
“Absolutely! And that’s why we won’t get him laid; only let him think that he might get some.” Fred continued. ”Think about it, George. What greater punishment is there than to think that someone actually fancies you, I doubt that anyone ever has, and then have it all taken away from you?”  
  
“You’re definitely on to something, Fred,” George agreed. “But how are you planning to do that? You’re not planning on coming on to him right? That would make me vomit!”  
  
“Well, sort of…” Fred admitted. “And I was hoping you would to…”  
  
“WHAT? Are you crazy?” George shouted. “I’m not flirting with Snape! Forget it!”  
  
“Keep your voice down, dear brother. We can’t have you shouting about flirting with Snape, can we?” Fred laughed.  
  
“But… what?” George was still disgusted at the thought.  
  
“Hear me out,” Fred continued. “We’ll have several people flirting with Snape, making him feel popular and, without doubt, uncomfortable. That will totally drive him crazy in one way or another… Think about it, George. That greasy git will get so much attention he will either explode or get really conceited, and then we’ll find a way of publish this to the entire world, or at least the entire school, which is probably just as bad…It’s bloody brilliant!” Fred looked quite happy with himself.  
  
George wasn’t convinced. “You just keep forgetting one tiny little detail, Fred. No one in their right mind would flirt with Snape, not even if we paid them!”  
  
“But that’s the best part; we don’t need a lot of people. We only need us.” Fred grinned widely.  
  
“I’m _not_ doing it! I don’t want that greasy git to think that I’m in love with him. Ew… just the thought of it… ewwwww…” George looked like he was going to be sick.  
  
“He won’t know that it’s you, of course. We’ll use Polyjuice potion.” Fred laughed heartily.  
  
“Polyjuice potion?”  
  
“Yes, that’s the whole point. You and I will be able to appear as whoever we want, and Snape will never know what hit him. Isn’t it brilliant?”  
  
“So I still have to flirt with Snape?” George asked sceptical.  
  
“Yes, but he won’t know that it’s you, and I won’t force you to snog him or anything. Come on, George, it would be fun. Think of all the fun we’ll get to have, and how furious he will get?”  
  
“You’re getting a bit to keen on this idea, brother. I’m starting to wonder if you actually want to snog this fellow.”  
  
“I will if it’s necessary.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Kidding!”  
  
“Oh? Ok…” George wasn’t convinced.  
  
“I’m not saying we are, but _if_ we were to do this… plan of yours, how on earth are we going to get hold of Polyjuice potion. And by the sound of it, we need a _lot_!”  
  
“That, my brother,” Fred yawned. “is a question for tomorrow. G’night.”  
  
“Goodnight,” George replied. But it was hours before he finally fell asleep. Had his brother actually been serious about this?   
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
It turned out, he was. Because the next morning after eating breakfast, Fred and George grabbed Harry and Ron and pulled them out to the hallway.  
  
“Rumour has it that you two know how to brew Polyjuice potion.” Fred said in a flattery way.  
  
“We know you and Hermione made it in your second year.” George continued. “It’s time to let your two favourite guys in on the secret how you did that.”  
  
“Ehm, I don’t know you guys,” Harry hesitated. “It’s a very complicated potion and I don’t know if I should…”  
  
“Oh, come on, Harry,” Fred interrupted. “You can tell us!”  
  
“Well, Hermione found it in a book in the restricted section; it’s called ‘The Moste Impossible Potions Ever’ or something. You have to ask her.” Ron explained.  
  
Fred groaned. “But she will never tell us, you know that. Can’t you ask her? She’s your girlfriend.”  
  
“Hermione is _not_ my girlfriend.” Ron answered in a panicky way.  
  
“Whatever,” George rolled his eyes. “So will you ask her?”  
  
“At least get the title of the book, Ron. Even _you_ can manage that much.” Fred mocked him.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
But Ron was unsuccessful in his mission. Hermione refused to tell him when she found out who really wanted to get their hands on the book.  
  
After dinner, the twins sat at the table still discussing what to do. They were so caught up in their own conversation they didn’t notice that Sirius Black had re-entered the dining room.  
  
“So, what are you two whispering about?” he asked the twins, grabbing a chair and settled himself next to them with a mischievous grin on his face.  
  
The twins reacted in unison. “Nothing.”  
  
“Right…” Sirius chuckled. “Come on. Let me in on the good stuff. I’m going crazy here, locked up in this awful house, I need some fun.”  
  
The twins looked at each other, but hesitated.  
  
“Maybe he can help, Fred.” George said. “We could use with some outside help.”  
  
Fred hesitated for a while before he finally went for it. “Do you know anything about making Polyjuice potion?”  
  
“Well, Potions was never my strongest subject and I have never tried to make it myself...”   
  
The twins sighed.  
  
“…but there are probably some Potions books in my brother Regulus’ room.” Sirius continued.  
  
The twins’ faces lit up.  
  
“He was more of a Potions geek than me. Probably a Slytherin thing, I bet Snivellus rubbed off on him. I can picture the two of them brewing dark, illegal potions in their common room.” Sirius shrugged at the thought. “But you can just take the books. The room is on the third floor. Knock yourself out.”  
  
He didn’t even get to ask what they were doing with the potion before the twins were halfway up the stairs to Regulus’ room.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
“Whoa,” said Fred. “This must be what the Slytherin common room looks like.” He turned to his brother who stood gasping in the doorway. “Look at all this stuff. He must really have been into the Dark Arts.”  
  
The twins walked into the room looking at all the Slytherin banners and strange objects placed across the room. They walked up to the bookshelf and started looking for Potions books.   
  
After a couple of minutes they had found none less than three books, none of which they had been using at Hogwarts. They sat down on the floor flipping through the pages looking for the Polyjuice potion.  
  
“Ew, this is disgusting,” George said with a sceptical frown on his face. “There is a potion here that makes your intestines come out of your ears if you don’t take a bath at the exact time each day for a week. Who comes up with this stuff?”  
  
“Maybe that’s the potion we should make for Snape, he wouldn’t last a day.” Fred joked, but was not met with appreciation.  
  
“That’s not funny, Fred. This is really creepy magic. No wonder they don’t use these books at school.” George was really worried.  
  
“Yes, he was kind of creepy, my brother.” Sirius was standing in the doorway looking at his brother’s room. He hadn’t been in there for years. He walked in and sat down on the floor next to the bewildered looking twins. He picked up the third book, Moste Potente Potions, and started flipping through the pages.  
  
“So, what are you planning on doing with this Polyjuice Potion exactly?” Sirius asked.  
  
“Sorry, but we can’t tell you.” George said apologetic.  
  
“I heard you mentioning Snape when I came up here. Does this have anything to do with him by any chance?” Sirius didn’t want the twins to get away too easily.  
  
Fred and George looked at each other. “No!” both said, quite unconvincingly.  
  
Sirius laughed. “I knew it! You guys are planning something and it involves Snape. Please, let me be a part of it!” He was practically begging them now.  
  
“I’m sorry, Sirius, but we can’t.” Fred answered.  
  
The twins went back to flipping through the books when Sirius suddenly jumped to his feet and started laughing. “Well, if you don’t let me in on your little secret, you won’t get the recipe for the potion.” He said gripping the book tightly to his chest, sporting a mischievous smile that the twins could only dream of.   
  
They got to their feet quickly. “You found it?” Fred asked in disbelief. Sirius grinned even harder and nodded.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
Half an hour later, the twins had unwillingly let Sirius in on their plan. He came with suggestions to how they could collect hair or other parts of people they would turn into, how to get the ingredients and even how to get clothes. He seemed almost a bit too much into the idea. But at least now they had help.   
  
The following days was used to make lists and plans over their upcoming prank. The twins had stocked up on all their Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes candy like Fever Fudge, Nosebleed Nougat and Puking Pastilles. These were perfect for making sure that the “Polyjuice victims” didn’t come strolling into the room by accident.   
  
The biggest problem was where and when to brew the potion. They couldn’t start brewing it in Grimmauld Place, because school was starting in a week, and they hadn’t been able to get all the ingredients yet. They needed more help. Help from someone that wasn’t going to Hogwarts and someone that wasn’t supposed to be in jail. Of course Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were out of the question, Mad Eye would probably blow up if they mentioned anything, even if he didn’t trust Snape one bit, and Mundungus shouldn’t be trusted with anything this important.   
  
“And _don’t_ tell Remus either!” Sirius warned. “He’s just too much into rules and such. He would probably go tell Molly and stop this whole thing. And he’s strangely way too protective of Snivellus.”  
  
“I got it!” Fred said after the three of them had been turning their brains inside out for ideas. “Tonks!”  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
The morning on the first of September Number 12 Grimmauld Place was in utter chaos. The house had never been calm, but ever since Harry’s hearing, the Boggart, and the fact that Ickle Ronnie had become Prefect, Molly Weasley hadn’t stopped fussing over everything.   
  
On their way out of the door, Fred and George made sure they were the last ones to leave so none of the others could see that Tonks slipped a tiny parcel into Fred’s bag.  
  
“Good luck,” Tonks whispered. “I’ll owl you the rest of the stuff as soon as I can get my hands on them.”  
  
“And we demand reports,” Sirius chuckled lightly.  
  
“We will,” Fred promised before he and George joined the rest of the group and headed towards King’s Cross.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
Aboard the Hogwarts Express, Fred and George hoped to find a compartment by themselves, but everywhere was taken. They decided to sit with a bunch of giggling fourth year Ravenclaw girls. This way they could sit in a corner and not be disturbed while planning what Fred called their new hair collection. Fred pulled out a little red book to take notes.  
  
“Now, we need a list over the girls we want to make a move on Snape, and try to get hair or something else from them.” Fred whispered.   
  
“It can’t be just anybody,” George said. “He will understand that there’s something wrong at once.”  
  
Fred agreed. Picking out a Hufflepuff first year would be a big mistake. A first year Slytherin, on the other hand, would be perfect. A poor little Slytherin girl having a crush on her Head of House. The twins chuckled at the thought.  
  
“We can use some of the teachers,” George suggested. They looked at each other and exclaimed “Trelawney” at the same time.  
  
“What about McGonagall?” Fred asked. “It’s a bit risky, but it would be awesome, don’t you think?” George reluctantly agreed to put her name on the list.  
  
The twins sat for a while, thinking about who they would pick to go on their list when the doors to their compartment suddenly opened. Ron and Hermione peered through the door opening and everyone fell quiet.  
  
“Is everything alright here?” Hermione asked flashing her Prefect badge. Ron stood behind her obviously embarrassed.  
  
“What are you two doing here?” She asked the twins.  
  
“We are on our way to school, Hermione. What are you doing here?” Fred answered cheekily.   
  
“Oh, you know very well what I mean,” Hermione said annoyed.  
  
“No, we don’t,” George smiled back.  
  
“What are you doing in a compartment full of Ravenclaw girls? Are you trying to get them to be your lab rats?” Hermione frowned. “Have these two tried to make you do things? Eat weird looking candy or anything?”  
  
The confused Ravenclaw girls shook their heads and Hermione looked at the twins again.  
  
“You two are up to something, and I’m going to find out what.” Hermione stated. “I’m a Prefect and it’s my duty to stop you if you are doing something you’re not supposed to.”  
  
“And since when is it a crime to sit with Ravenclaws?” George asked.  
  
“Come on, Hermione, let’s go,” Ron interrupted.  
  
Fred rose from his seat and walked towards her. He put her arm around Hermione and said mockingly: “Yes, listen to little Prefect Ronniekins, Hermione.” Fred noticed that his little brother got even redder in his face.  
  
Hermione looked at him suspiciously again but turned around to walk out of the compartment. Fred patted her on the back and said, “That’s a good girl, go annoy someone else.”  
  
“Don’t think that I will let you off this easily,” Hermione told them before she turned to Ron. “And you aren’t exactly helping, Ron.”  
  
“What do you want me to do?” Ron asked bewildered. But they never got to hear Hermione’s answer before Fred closed the door on them and went back to his seat.  
  
“What was that all about?” George was confused.  
  
Fred laid a long brown hair in the book and whispered. “The first one in our collection.”   
  
The twins grinned widely.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
The welcome feast was almost as every other welcome feast except that everyone seemed a lot tenser that they were used to. The fact that Cedric Diggory had been killed last year, that Voldemort had returned and the Ministry now started to interfere at Hogwarts through that awful Umbrigde woman really put a damper on the mood. Fred and George Weasley, however, had big plans. They wouldn’t let any Dark Lords or pink witches stop them from getting back at their former Potion professor and to have fun in the process.  
  
They had heard from Ron that the girls’ bathroom on the second floor was perfect if you wanted to do something others shouldn’t know about. Of course they had to put up with Moaning Myrtle, but they made a deal with her. She would let them stay there and brew their potion if they could get her a date with Harry Potter. The twins had conveniently forgotten to tell Harry about the arrangement, but that was a problem they would deal with later.  
  
The first weeks after term started, strange things started happening at Hogwarts. There were whispers that Winstina Wobbleton, a tiny second year Hufflepuff, had been chased out of the bathroom by Moaning Myrtle, and that Myrtle threw one of her famous tantrums every time someone came through the door. Fred and George knew then that their agreement with the loony ghost was working perfectly.  
  
Mysteriously robes from different houses started disappearing along with badges, ties, and other uniform related items. Professor Trelawney was going crazy looking for her glasses and her favourite scarf, while McGonagall threatened with detention for everyone if her hat didn’t appear back on her desk within two hours.


	2. Chapter 2

It seemed like a completely normal day at Hogwarts. Severus Snape went to get ready for the first of his morning classes, Slytherin and Gryffindor first years. He had just started preparing for the lesson when a tiny black haired girl walked into the classroom. Severus recognized Hortensia Merkeley, one of his first year Slytherins, a quiet, but clever girl. What was she doing here this early? It was twenty minutes before the lesson started. Severus looked at her suspiciously. “Can I help you Miss Merkeley?” he asked.  
  
The little girl looked at him with her big brown eyes and shook her head. “No, Professor. I just wanted to get ready for class.” She answered and found her seat. She started taking her things out of her bag.  
  
Severus looked at her for a minute, quite confused, but soon continued preparing the instructions and the ingredients. He looked up from his desk and saw that Miss Merkeley was sitting at her regular seat, potions book out. Quill, ink and parchment ready on her desk, just looking at him.  
  
The other students started arriving after a while and Severus forgot all about the strange girl staring at him. The lesson started and he gave the class the instructions for today’s lesson and put them to work.   
  
After a while he noticed that Miss Merkeley hadn’t touched her cauldron or prepared any of the ingredients.  
  
“Is there a problem, Miss Merkeley,” he asked.  
  
“No, Professor,” the little girl answered.  
  
“Then why aren’t you working, Miss Merkeley?” Severus continued.  
  
The girl blushed but didn’t take her eyes off him, something Severus found very strange. Usually when he talked to students they immediately looked at the floor.  
  
“I was hoping that you would show me how, Professor.” Hortensia Merkeley answered with a tiny smile.  
  
“Show you how?” Severus was shocked. “If you’re not planning on taking this class seriously Miss Merkeley, I suggest you leave my classroom straight away.”   
  
“No please, Sir. I want to stay,” the Slytherin girl begged with big brown eyes. “I want to stay in your class.”  
  
“Very well,” Severus nodded. “But get to work this instant, or I’ll give you a detention with Filch.”  
  
The girl nodded and started preparing her cauldron.  
  
Severus turned her back on her and started walking around the classroom looking at the other students working.  
  
“What was all that about?” Severus thought to himself. He had never experienced a student acting like that before. And especially not one from his own house.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
“Yes, what is it, Miss Ronton?” Severus Snape had just dismissed his N.E.W.T. students but the Ravenclaw girl still hadn’t left his classroom. She just stood there, smiling at him in a completely bizarre way.  
  
“Class is over, Miss Ronton, and since you apparently don’t have any questions, it’s about time for you to get to your next lesson.” Snape tried to stay calm while the girl stepped even closer.  
  
“Oh, but you’re wrong, Professor.” She was standing so close to him now that Severus Snape was afraid to breathe to give her the wrong impression. “I do have a question.”  
  
Severus took a step back, only to being followed again.   
  
“Miss Ronton, will you stop this inappropriate behaviour immediately!” Severus Snape hissed at his student and stepped away from her.   
  
“Oh I’m _so_ sorry, Professor.” Rhonda Ronton smiled at him seductively. “I just can’t help myself.”  
  
“Now, what do you want to ask me?” Severus tried to ignore her last comment and stay as indifferent as he possibly could.  
  
“I was wondering,” Rhonda Ronton whispered in his ear. “Are you married?”   
  
“First of all, Miss Ronton, that is not a school related question, and second, that is my personal life, and none of your concern. Now will you please leave my classroom?”  
  
“That means no, then? Do you have a girlfriend?”  
  
“Get out, Miss Ronton!”  
  
“I can’t believe a sexy wizard like you don’t have a girlfriend. Would you go out with a student?”  
  
“Miss Ronton, you have now earned yourself a detention, and 20 points taken from Ravenclaw.”  
  
“Will that be detention with you? What time? What shall I wear?”  
  
“You will get at note with the details during the next week. Goodbye Miss Ronton!”  
  
Snape managed to lock the door after her.  
  
What in Merlin’s name was going on? Rhonda Ronton was one of his best potions students, and she had hardly said more than ten words during her more than six years at Hogwarts. What had gotten into her? Love potion? Or a dare? The only thing Severus knew for sure was that he certainly was not going to tell anyone about this incident. He started preparing for his next class, but his mind was so confused that he hadn’t managed to do much before the next group entered his classroom.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
It was dinner and Severus scowled at the Great Hall. His eyes fell quickly at the Ravenclaw table where a certain Miss Ronton sat together with her fellow Ravenclaws. She looked out of place and quite ill. Not at all like she had been just two hours earlier today. Severus was relieved that she wasn’t behaving like she had done earlier. His glance slid across the room and everything else seemed perfectly normal.   
  
At the Slytherin table, Draco Malfoy was the centre of attention his usual cronies laughing at every joke and getting a lot of admiring looks from the Slytherin girls. The Ravenclaw table was more quiet. Most of the students were eating and talking quietly with each other and some were reading while eating. The Hufflepuff table was full of life. And at the Gryffindor table the Weasley twins were laughing so hard the other Gryffindors were starting to get embarrassed. Yes, everything seemed perfectly normal.   
  
Severus finished his meal, went back to his office, wrote a note to Miss Ronton about her detention with Filch the following Saturday and went to his chambers.  
  
Severus was getting frustrated. What the heck was going on? First an eleven year old girl was staring at him with dreamy eyes and now a seventeen year old was coming on to him. He hadn’t worked on his attitude towards his students to become the great object of affection. Something was going on, and Severus was determined to find out what.  
  
He sat down in a chair next to his fireplace with an old Muggle book and a cup of tea. He lived for these moments; all alone with a book, no one to bother him, and especially no love struck Ravenclaws.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
Later that day, Severus had a free period and was sitting in the staff room reading the Daily Prophet when Minerva McGonagall and Sybil Trelawney walked into the room. They nodded politely to Severus, who nodded back. He continued reading, but couldn’t help but overhearing the conversation the two colleagues were having.  
  
“I can’t believe the students these days.” McGonagall said amused. “If I said things like that to my teachers in my days, I would have been expelled faster than I could say my own name.”   
  
“I know,” Trelawney said in her usual dreamy voice.  
  
“It’s a good thing she handled it so well.” McGonagall continued. “If that was me I would have hexed his broomstick a certain place.”  
  
Trelawney giggled. “Minerva…”  
  
Severus couldn’t believe his ears. He had never heard his colleagues talk like that. But they had a point. Maybe they knew something about what was going on.  
  
“It seems as the whole place has gone to the dogs these days. Total lack of respect for the teachers, I say.” Severus addressed the two women, who both startled at the sound of his voice.  
  
“Oh, Severus. I didn’t know you were listening.” Minerva McGonagall smiled carefully.   
  
“The students are behaving really inappropriate these days. I don’t know what has gotten into them.” Severus stood up and went over to them. “It seems as if the students think it is appropriate behaviour to speak to their teachers in a well too flattering way.”  
  
“What do you mean, Severus?” Minerva looked at him.  
  
Trelawney giggled again. “You don’t mean to tell us that the students are hitting on _you_?”  
  
Severus could feel his face flush, but tried desperately to stay as neutral as he possibly could. Why had he just admitted this to these two?  
  
“Well, Severus. I’m not surprised that this finally happened.” Minerva approached him and put a friendly arm on his shoulder. “It was only a matter of time before the students realized what we have done for years.”  
  
Severus was even more confused. What was she talking about? “Realized what?”  
  
“Oh, I thought you were a clever man, Severus.” Minerva said, her hand started stroking his shoulder in a way that was _not_ just friendly. “You are a handsome man, and we have all known that for years. It was about time that the students did too.” She smiled at him and Severus started feeling very uncomfortable.  
  
Trelawney rose from her seat and went over to the two. “You’re right Minerva. But it’s too bad really.”   
  
“Why is that?” Minerva asked.  
  
“Because if the students also start showing interest in him, then it means there’s more competition for us.” She put on a sad face and winked at Severus who started blinking frantically. This wasn’t happening. This was NOT happening!  
  
He stormed out of the staff room and down to the Potions classroom. He started preparing for his next class, but found himself breaking several jars by smashing them too hard on his desk. He sat down at his desk, his face buried in his hands.  
  
What was going on? Someone was definitely playing a trick on him. But who? And how? When Miss Ronton started showing interest in him, he was flattered, he admitted. He had never been popular with the opposite sex. Not the same sex either for that matter. But four females in one day? That was _not_ a coincidence.   
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
Things seemed to have calmed down the rest of the week, but it was in the middle of the staff meeting the following week when Severus started noticing that something was completely wrong. Dolores Umbridge was going on and on about Ministry Regulations and Educational Decrees but no one was paying her much attention.   
  
It was by chance that Severus suddenly saw that Filius Flitwick was looking at him each time his eyes wandered in his direction. Flitwick was looking away when he met Severus’ glaze, but he kept staring at him when he thought Severus was not looking.  
  
Finally Umbridge was finished ranting and they were all dismissed. Severus jumped up from his seat and rushed over to Flitwick. “What?” he looked at him, eyebrows raised and a furious look on his face.  
  
“What?” Flitwick looked at him, all innocently.  
  
“Don’t pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about, Flitwick.” Severus was fuming. “You have been staring at me through the entire meeting. Is there’s something on my face or my robes or something?”  
  
“It’s not that, Severus.” Flitwick looked quite tiny where he stood looking up at Severus’ angry face. Flitwick smiled. “I was just wondering. Have you started using a new shampoo? Your hair is so shiny today.”  
  
Severus lost it. He picked up little Professor Flitwick and started yelling at him. “What is up with everybody these days? Why are you doing this to me?”  
  
Minerva McGonagall rushed over to them. “Severus, what are you doing? Put him down this very moment!” she said with her stern voice. “What is with you today?”  
  
Severus merely looked at her. “Like you don’t know,” he scowled at her. “You and Trelawney acting like two giggling little schoolgirls.”   
  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Severus.” Minerva looked bewildered, but angry. “But put Filius down before you hurt him.”  
  
Severus let go off his grip on Flitwick and turned to Minerva. “I don’t know what you all are playing at, but I’m sure as heck going to find out!”   
  
He looked at the other staff members, who looked as shocked as Minerva. The only exception was Umbridge who was now scribbling frantically on a piece of parchment while looking at Severus who scowled at everyone and left the room, slamming the door after him.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
“What the hell is going on?” Severus yelled as he walked rapidly through the doors of his chambers. He slammed the door behind him and went straight over to a cupboard where he kept his Firewhiskey. He really needed a drink right now.  
  
“What’s the matter, Severus?” A soft voice came from behind him, making him jump and spill the drink all over himself.  
  
“Oh, this is just perfect!” Severus sighed. “Don’t do that to me, Lupin.”  
  
Remus Lupin approached him with a smile. “I’m sorry, Severus. But I really thought you knew I was here. I take it you’ve had a bad day?”  
  
“That’s the understatement of the year.” Severus sighed and poured another drink, handing it to Remus before he poured one for himself.  
  
He sat down on the sofa and Remus followed. “What’s happened, Severus?” Remus asked, carefully stroking Severus’ hand.  
  
“The lot of them are going crazy that’s what.” Severus “Either that, or I’m going crazy!”  
  
“Tell me, Severus.” Remus looked at him with a pleading look. “Maybe I can help. I won’t tell anyone.” Remus promised.  
  
“I know you won’t, because then I would kill you, Lupin.” Severus scowled at him.  
  
”Whoa, Severus. No need for that.” Remus looked scared.  
  
“I’m sorry, Remus. This situation has just made me so angry.” Severus said as he was taking a sip of his drink.  
  
“I can tell…”   
  
The two wizards just sat in the sofa for a couple of minutes. Remus was merely looking at Severus’ facial expressions as Severus’ mind was working on high speed to get his mind around what was going on.   
  
So far two students and three of his co-workers had started to pay attention to him in a way he did not care for. What had gotten into them? Were they under the Imperius Curse perhaps? But who would use an Unforgivable for something like that? But it had to be something like that. There was no way that Flitwick or Minerva would ever do something like that out of own free will. He could not speak for Trelawney or the students. Merlin knows what goes on in their puny minds. But the fact that this had all happened in a very short period of time told Severus that it was not a common infatuation he was dealing with. It had to be the Imperius. But who? That was an even bigger question now. It was obviously none of his newly converted “fans”.   
  
Severus was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice that Remus now had left his side. He didn’t notice until Remus came back and stood right in front of him.  
  
“I understand that you have lot on your mind, Severus, but I’m only here for tonight. Do you think you can either tell me what’s going on, or let me help you get your mind off things?” Remus looked at him pleadingly.  
  
Severus looked up at the scarred face of his lover and smiled. “Sure.”   
  
Remus took his hand and led him into the bedroom.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
Severus heard a knock on the door. ”Now isn’t this just perfect,” Severus said to himself. Who was disturbing him at this time? He was looking forward to a night alone with Remus and that definitely didn’t include anyone else. The person on the other side of the door kept knocking, and Severus was getting irritated.   
  
He got up and got dressed quickly; put on the most annoyed face he could muster and went to open the door. The person kept on knocking and Severus yelled at the door. “I’m coming!” He grabbed the door handle and the door flung open and he stared right into the face of Remus Lupin.  
  
Severus’ jaw dropped.  
  
”Hello, Severus,” Remus beamed at him. “What took you so long? Can I come in?”  
  
Severus was so confused that he didn’t know exactly how to answer, so he let Remus in. Remus walked in and sat casually down on the sofa.   
  
“So, Dumbledore called me here for some Order business and I thought I’d just pop in to say hello.” Remus said.  
  
Severus merely looked at him. He was so taken aback by all this he didn’t quite know what to say, but his eyes kept looking at the bedroom door where he had just left the werewolf seconds ago.  
  
“Order business?” Severus’ mind was completely thrown off guard. “What are you talking about?”  
  
Remus got up from his seat and approached Severus. He was standing inches from his face.  
  
“Well, truth be told,” Remus whispered. “I didn’t just come to say hello.”   
  
“Remus, I don’t understand…” Severus tried to interrupt.  
  
“Oh, it’s quite simple, Severus.” Remus continued. “I came here to say that I just can’t stop thinking about you, and I wonder if you have thought about me.”  
  
“Thought about you?” Severus asked.  
  
“Yes, thought about me,” Remus continued. “I think about you all the time, Severus. The way you always own every room you ever walk into, the sexy way you walk. The way your voice keeps sending shivers down my spine and hit me straight in the….”  
  
“I get the picture,” Severus jumped away from Remus. “Excuse me; I just have to check something.”   
  
Severus went over to the bedroom door and peered into the next room. There, in his bed, lay a sleeping Remus Lupin, just as he had left him. He looked at the sleeping werewolf in his bed, and then at the person standing smiling in the other room.   
  
It was happening again! Someone was toying with him, but this time Severus realized what was happening. And he would not stand here and be made a total fool of.  
  
“Well, Lupin.” he said, walking towards the imposture with a smirk on his face. “When you put it that way.” He kept walking towards the man and saw his face getting more and more insecure with every inch.   
  
Severus put his hand on the so-called Remus Lupin’s chest. “I can then assure you that I have NOT been thinking about you! Get out NOW!” He pushed Lupin around and sent him in the direction of the door. He slammed the door behind him and walked rapidly back to his bedroom.  
  
He took a pillow and threw it at the sleeping werewolf. “Wake up, Lupin!”  
  
Lupin jumped up. “What?” he yelled confused.  
  
“You haven’t used a time turner today right? Nor are you in any kind of situation that require the use of one?” Severus looked at him.  
  
“Er… no.” Remus answered while rubbing his eyes. He looked utterly bewildered. “Why?”  
  
“Because you just knocked on my door…”  
  
“What? But I… What?”  
  
“Exactly…”  
  
“What the hell are you talking about, Severus?” Remus was getting annoyed for not understanding.   
  
“Polyjuice! That’s it! It has to be!” Severus exclaimed.  
  
“OK, I’m getting tired of this, Severus. If you don’t tell me what is going on, I’m leaving.”  
  
“Fine,” Severus said.  
  
He sat down on the bed and told Remus everything that had happened. About love struck Ravenclaws, about first years with dreamy expression, about Minerva and Sybil, about Filius, and last about the fake Remus that had just visited him.  
  
Remus couldn’t stop laughing. “Well, who can blame them?” he chuckled and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek.   
  
“It’s not funny, Remus.” Severus scowled back.  
  
“Er… yes it is, Severus.” Remus smiled back. “I know you don’t think so now, but you must admit that whoever did this had a brilliant idea of how to get you.”  
  
“But who can it be?” Remus asked. “Have you done anything to upset anyone lately? To make them want revenge?”  
  
“Take a pick…” Severus muttered back and they both started laughing.  
  
“But the next person that tries anything funny will not be let easily off the hook.” Severus stated after a while.  
  
“Just remember Severus, that if it _is_ Polyjuice, it’s not actually _that_ person that is messing with you. So don’t go giving detention to innocent victims, even if they are Gryffindors.”  
  
“Well, that, Remus, is one of the perks of being a Hogwarts teacher. Besides, no student is completely innocent…” Severus smiled back.  
  
“Severus!” Remus looked at him with a serious look on his face. “Promise me!”  
  
“Oh alright.” Severus muttered. ”I promise.”  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
Severus had been on alert ever since the fake Remus Lupin had visited him, and he was determined to find out who it was. But nothing out of the ordinary had happened, not at least as far as Severus could tell, and he was beginning to think that the person had had his fun with him.  
  
However, one afternoon while teaching the fifth years he suddenly realised that Hermione Granger was being exceptionally clumsy in her preparation for the aging potion. He also noticed that she was looking at him more than was absolutely necessary. Severus was starting to get suspicious, and with good reason.   
  
Miss Granger was definitely staring at him, and Severus could have sworn he saw her winking at him on one occasion.   
  
Severus knew that this was the only reassurance he needed and decided to test out his Polyjuice-theory.   
  
“Miss Granger, is there a problem with your eye?” Severus scowled at his student.  
  
“Er… What?” the girl looked confusedly at him. “No.”   
  
“Then focus on your work, will you. Ten points from Gryffindor for not staying on task.”  
  
The rest of the Gryffindors moaned.   
  
Severus smirked to himself. He was not letting this Hermione Granger off the hook, no matter who she was.  
  
The class continued working on their potions and Severus kept a close eye on Miss Granger. The work she was doing was far from her usual standard and it didn’t take long before her potion was dark brown goo instead of thin liquid blue.   
  
“Miss Granger,” Severus called out. “Are you sure there is nothing wrong with your eye?”  
  
“Yes, sir,” Hermione answered.  
  
“Look at your potion? Is it supposed to look like something that comes out of one of Hagrid’s many strange creatures?”  
  
“Er… no?” Hermione looked uncertain at him.  
  
“It looks as something that comes out of Hagrid,” Draco snorted and the Slytherins burst into laughter.  
  
“Quiet, Mr. Malfoy.” Severus’ voice broke through the crowd and looked at Hermione again. “Are you being cheeky, Miss Granger?” he asked.  
  
“No, sir.” Hermione said, but Severus noticed that she struggled to hold back a smile.  
  
“You shall stay behind after class, Miss Granger. We need to settle the terms of your detention. And another ten points from Gryffindor.”  
  
The rest of the Gryffindors moaned even louder than earlier.   
  
“And that will be an extra ten points if you don’t go back to work this instant.” He addressed the whole class.  
  
The other students went quickly back to their tasks in fear of losing more points. He noticed that Hermione Granger quickly took out a small phial and drank from it. He smiled to himself. He was indeed dealing with Polyjuice potion here.  
  
“Well Miss Granger,” Severus said after the last student had walked through the door. “It seems as you think it is acceptable to be rude during my class.”  
  
“I wasn’t rude,” the Gryffindor broke in.  
  
“Is that so?” Severus asked as he started to walk around her in a circle.  
  
“You asked me if there was something wrong with my eye, and there isn’t. My eye works perfectly.” Hermione answered just as cheekily as she had in class.  
  
Severus stopped right in front of her and stared at her. “What is this really about, Miss Granger?”   
  
Hermione smiled and winked at him again.   
  
“Do you think this is funny, Miss Granger?” Severus was standing so close to the girl he could almost hear her heart beat fiercely.   
  
Hermione struggled to keep herself from laughing.  
  
“Sit down, Miss Granger.” Severus said suddenly.  
  
“What?” Hermione looked confused.   
  
”Apparently there’s something wrong with your ears as well,” Severus muttered. “I said, sit down.”  
  
Hermione sat down on the nearest chair while Severus sat down behind his desk. He looked at the time and started to look at the potions the fifth years had just handed in. Severus had a hard time not being tempted to look at the confused person at the seat in front of him, but he tried to stay focused on the potions.   
  
Every time Hermione tried to speak Severus merely lifted a finger to signal her to shut up. They did this for about fifty minutes.   
  
Severus could tell that the girl was becoming extremely nervous now, but Severus wasn’t about to let this person off the hook. He got up from his seat and commanded Granger to do the same.  
  
He started circling around her as he had previously, and this time he swore he could hear her heart pound nervously. He also saw that the smile on her face wasn’t as genuine as it had been.  
  
Severus circled around her for a while before he stopped right in front of her. Their faces were merely inches apart. Severus tried to look into the students eyes, but Miss Granger’s eyes were not meeting his.   
  
“I just wanted to let you know that the fun is over.” Severus started. “I know what you are…” Suddenly he got interrupted when Hermione Granger kissed him right on the lips.  
  
Severus was so caught by surprise that he didn’t manage to grab a hold of the girl as she ran out of the classroom. He stormed after her and saw a boy with flaming red hair running down the corridor.  
  
“Weasley,” Severus hissed. “I should have known.”  
  
But which of them was it? Then it dawned on Severus. He had just been kissed by a Weasley! The thought made Severus want to throw up. He stormed into his classroom desperately looking for something to get the Weasley taste out of his mouth. Then there was a knock on the door and Neville Longbottom came into his classroom.  
  
“Haven’t you ever heard of manners, Longbottom.” Severus yelled while looking for anything to clean his mouth.   
  
“I’m sorry Professor, but I knocked.” Neville said cautiously.  
  
“You knocked…” Severus stopped looking in the drawers and stared at the boy instead. ”What do you want Longbottom? Have you come here to blow up another one of the cauldrons? You couldn’t wait until Thursday?”  
  
“I was just wondering, Professor. If you could give me any extra potions lessons?” Neville stuttered.  
  
Severus looked at him. “You what?”  
  
”It’s just that you are so good at potions, and I get so nervous around you and your awesomeness in class, so I was wondering if you could teach me some things. Maybe being alone with you will help my concentration?” Neville gave him a nervous smile.  
  
Severus was about to answer this outrageous question when the door flung open and Fred Weasley stormed in.  
  
“Er, Neville. Can you come here for a minute?” Fred Weasley looked terrified.   
  
“Why are you interrupting us, Mr. Weasley.” Severus tried to sound as angry as he could, but was having trouble not laughing at the sight of the two confused and scared boys. “We were just discussing extra potions lessons for Mr. Longbottom here, and I must say that I think it’s a very good idea. We could start tomorrow night, Mr. Longbottom.”  
  
“Er, I don’t think it would be necessary after all, Professor Snape.” Neville stuttered before running out of the classroom.  
  
Severus smirked. He was a bit disappointed in himself for not realizing it was the Weasley-twins to begin with, but at least now he could start planning his revenge. The mongrels would not get away with this!  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
“What are you planning exactly Severus?” Remus was getting real curious.  
  
Severus gave his lover a big smile and pulled out a phial with brown goo in it.   
  
“Polyjuice?” Remus asked.  
  
“What else?” Severus smiled. “I’m showing these idiots that three can play this game.”  
  
“Make that four, I want in!” Remus chuckled.  
  
“I have already made arrangements with Minerva and Filius, and some of the other victims of this prank, so technically we are a whole group. We will teach these morons that you don’t mess with Severus Snape!” Severus proclaimed.  
  
“Unless he wants you to,” Remus laughed and kissed him on the cheek.   
  
Severus smirked, and told Remus everything in his plan, enjoying the reactions from his lover as he told him what he was planning to do to the poor twins.   
  
“Severus, you’re evil.” Remus laughed.  
  
“Why, thank you.” Severus smiled back.  
  
“I must say you surprise me.” Remus said. “I would never ever have believed that you of all people would come up with a plan like that?”  
  
“Why?” Severus wondered.  
  
“It’s just so unlike you. I really want to be a part of this. It seems like the revelation of the century. People will talk about this for years.”  
  
“I understand that, but it’s too risky. You can’t be here when it happens. People would find out about us.” Severus stroked the face of his lover.  
  
“I know, Severus. But I wished that I could stay and watch this. Can’t I take some of that Polyjuice and pretend to be someone else?”  
  
“I don’t have a bucket full of it, you know. I only have just enough to make the plan work, and I wouldn’t risk your potion wearing off in the middle of the Great Hall either. What if something happens and the time drags out?   
  
Remus looked disappointed.  
  
“I’ll make sure Colin Creevey is in the room. Will that help?” Severus chuckled.  
  
Remus’ face turned into a huge grin.  
  
“Promise?”  
  
“I promise! But I _do_ need your help with one little detail.”   
  
“Or course I’ll help you, Severus.” Remus Lupin grinned. “I thought you would never ask. What do you want me to do?”   
  
“I have taken care of almost everything, but I can’t be two places at the same time. The only thing you need to do go and talk to George Weasley.” Severus smirked. “I hope you’re a good actor.”  
  
“Do you really need to ask me that?” Remus laughed. “Who do you think makes up excuses and weird stories every time I come to see you. Sirius still thinks that you have made some weird adjustment to my potion so that it doesn’t handle travelling anymore. That’s why I have to go away every month. And don’t get me started on the stories I have to tell him when I go away during other times of the cycle.”  
  
“I’m sure you’ll do great, Lupin.” Severus smiled.  
  
Remus started laughing. “I just thought that if Sirius had heard this conversation his ears would probably fall off in shock. He would never believe that either of us can be planning such a thing. He would be so jealous.  
  
“Well isn’t that a life long goal fulfilled then?” Severus said sarcastically. “I’m out-pranking the master of mischief.”   
  
“Well you are, Severus. And I’m proud of you.”   
  
“So the Prefect in you isn’t going to stop me?” Severus joked back.  
  
“Nah…” Remus smiled. 


	3. Chapter 3

“That’s enough nonsense from you Mr. Weasley.” Minerva McGonagall stared intensely at Fred. “Five points from Gryffindor and detention in my office tonight at eight o’clock.”  
  
“But, Professor?” Fred tried. “I didn’t do anything wr…”  
  
“I’ve had just about enough of this behaviour, Weasley. Tonight, at eight. Don’t be late, or I’ll be taking more points.” McGonagall said sternly.   
  
Fred sighed. He did not understand what had just happened. He had gotten a detention? For what? Because he had turned around to tell Angelina something? He didn’t do anything else than what he usually did. He looked at George who looked just as confused as he was.   
  
McGonagall dismissed the class ten minutes later and the Weasley boys packed up their things and walked out of the classroom.   
  
“Can you believe she did that?” Fred asked his brother.  
  
“No I’m as perplexed as you.” George answered. “I mean, she’s strict and all, but that was totally unfair. She could have given you a warning. Not taking points and giving detention. I bet Umbridge is getting to her.”   
  
“You’re probably right. I’m just dreading what that detention will be like if she’s in that kind of mood.”   
  
“You have my biggest sympathy, brother.” George patted him on the back, and they headed for Charms.   
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
“What the heck is going on today?” George stormed out at the end of Charms class, closely followed by his brother.  
  
“Can you believe Flitwick?” George shouted. “Giving me detention for that?”  
  
“I know,” Fred agreed. “It’s not your fault that your quill suddenly started writing in double print.”   
  
“You are wasting parchment with this nonsense, Mr. Weasley. Are you aware of what parchment cost these days?” George imitated Flitwick. “Seriously, I have never seen him like that before.”   
  
“Well, at least now you don’t have to wait for me during my detention,” said Fred. “They were nice enough to pick the same time.”  
  
“Well, it will be a really great night for the both of us by the looks of it.” George sighed. “I just hope that the other teachers are in a better mood. I really can’t stand detention with Umbridge as well.”  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
Fred Weasley was sitting on a chair in Professor McGonagall’s office at exactly eight o’clock. A piece of parchment at the door had told him in a squeaky voice to go inside and wait for the Transfiguration professor.  
  
He had been sitting in the empty office for about twenty-five minutes fiddling with his wand when George popped his head through the door.  
  
“Is she here yet?” George whispered looking around the office.  
  
“What are you doing here?” Fred whispered back. “If she catches you we will be in even more trouble. And aren’t you supposed to be in Flitwicks office?”  
  
“He left a note saying he was running a bit late. I’ll be back there before he is.” George sat down in the chair next to Fred.  
  
“Listen,” he said. “I just had the best idea ever!” George was grinning widely.  
  
Fred kept looking at the door. Getting really stressed. What if McGonagall suddenly came in? “What?” he asked absentmindedly.  
  
“I know how we can really get Professor Snape.” George was almost jumping in his seat with anticipation.  
  
“I thought we were finished with that? He’s on to us, you know that. We will get expelled for sure this time.”  
  
“No we won’t.” George tried to calm him down. “We will just lose a ton of points and get detention for the rest of the school year. But I promise you. It will be worth it.”  
  
He partly had Fred’s attention now.  
  
“Wouldn’t it be just brilliant if we could make Professor Snape kiss a student in the middle of the Great Hall?” George was beaming.  
  
“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, George.” Fred was sceptical.   
  
“Why? It would be the ultimate prank.” George wouldn’t let it go.   
  
“Of course it would, if you have a death wish. And how are we going to do that, exactly? And why?” Fred looked at his brother in disbelief.  
  
“The way we have done everything else, of course.” George pulled out a phial from his pocket.  
  
“I thought we were out of potion.” Fred said surprised.  
  
“I found one I had forgotten about. I take that as a sign to end this thing with a bang. Don’t you?” George laughed.  
  
“Well…” Fred hesitated. “You may have a point. It would be brilliant if we could make him do that.” He smiled a tiny, careful smile.  
  
“So, here’s the potion,” George gave the phial to Fred before pulling out a pile of black fabric. “And I guess the Potions master must rethink his wards, because I managed to snatch one of his robes from a hanger in his room. And look, here’s a hair from our dear Professor too.” George pulled a long black hair from the robes and laid it in front of his brother who looked absolutely stunned.  
  
“You managed to do all that in this short time?” Fred sounded impressed. His brother had really put his heart and soul into this prank.  
  
“Yeah, I had to set off seven Dungbombs right outside his door to get him out of there and will probably be held responsible for that for ages, seeing everything like that is always our fault, but it will be worth it.” George chuckled.  
  
“So are you with me? You’ll do it?” George asked with eagerness.   
  
“I’m supposed to do it?” Fred yelled, he had forgotten all about McGonagall now. “Why not you? It was your idea.”  
  
“Because you’re the better at acting like these poor victims, and the bonus is that you’ll get to kiss a pretty girl.” George said with a flattery voice.  
  
“Why, thanks…” Fred was still not convinced. “And who am I supposed to kiss? Just so you know, my last kiss still makes me want to vomit.”  
  
“I’m pretty sure you’re not the only one that feels that way,” George looked as he was being sick. “But this time it’s Miss Ronton. Wouldn’t it be brilliant if Snape just walked up to her in the middle of the Great Hall and planted a big, wet one right on her?”  
  
“Rhonda Ronton? I guess I can do that.” Fred considered it. “But I’m still not so sure this is a good idea, George.”  
  
“I’ll do your homework for a week.” George suggested.  
  
“If you throw in my detentions with Umbridge you’ve got yourself a deal.” Fred bargained.  
  
“As long as I’m not supposed to be in the same one, agreed.” George nodded.  
  
“Fine,” said Fred reluctantly. “Give me the potion. I’ll be the damn git. But how are we going to get him out of the Great Hall?”  
  
“Leave that to me. I have a plan.” George smiled. “What you shall do is drink the potion just before dinner tomorrow, sit at the staff table, eat a little bit and then suddenly go over to the Ravenclaw table and kiss Rhonda Ronton. Do you think you could do that? You don’t even have to say anything. Just go over there and kiss her.”  
  
Fred nodded.  
  
“But you have to promise me that you never mention this to anyone.”  
  
“Do you think I’m an idiot? Of course I won’t.” Fred was getting annoyed.  
  
“Not even to me.” George continued. “You have to promise me that you don’t mention this to me either. You never know who might be watching, and you know Snape’s already suspicious.”  
  
“Fine.” Fred agreed. “I promise.”   
  
“Shake on it.” George held out his hand. “We will never talk about this, agreed?”  
  
Fred took his brothers hand confusedly. “Agreed.”  
  
“Okay, I have to get back to Flitwicks office now. See you later.” George jumped up from his chair and ran out of the room.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
In Filius Flitwick’s office, George Weasley had almost fallen asleep with his head on a desk. He had been waiting for almost twenty minutes for the Charms professor, but there was still no sign of him. George didn’t dare to leave either; he wouldn’t risk getting more detention this week. He suddenly jumped up when he felt a book whack the back of his head.  
  
“Wake up sleepyhead,” Fred stood over him smiling.   
  
“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be with McGonagall. If she or Flitwick catches you…” George was rubbing his eyes to make sure that he was seeing right.  
  
“Oh, I’ll be out of here in a minute. Don’t worry. McGonagall left a note saying she was running late, and I’d just had an epiphany.” Fred sat down next to his brother.  
  
“Epiphany?”  
  
“Yes, one final big bang prank to our dear Potions Master.” Fred smiled.  
  
“I thought we gave that up. It was too risky.” George argued.  
  
“But I have an idea for the most brilliant final of all. I think it’s time to bring out poor Rhonda Ronton again.” Fred wouldn’t let it go.  
  
“Rhonda? Why?”  
  
“That was the best one, don’t you think? I want her to declare her undying love for Snape in front of the entire school. That would be so awesome.”   
  
“But she’ll get expelled! Or we would…”   
  
“No, we’ll make sure that she has an alibi for not being there, so she’ll be off the hook in the end. I promise.”  
  
“And even if we would want to do it, we’re out of potion. It would take more than a month to make, and not to mention all the hassle it would be for Tonks and Sirius?”  
  
“Tonks and Sirius?” Fred looked confused.  
  
“Yes, how else are we going to get the ingredients? Unless you want to break into Snape’s office, of course.” George answered.  
  
Fred was quiet for a minute until he finally said. “Er… no of course I don’t want to do that. But we don’t have to hassle Sirius and Tonks. Look what I found?” He held up a phial. “I found one in our dorm. I had totally forgotten about this one.”  
  
“One of the spare ones?” George asked.  
  
“Yeah,” Fred agreed. “And I have a hair left over from last time we used Rhonda.” Fred held up a second phial and smiled. He handed it to George.  
  
“Me?”  
  
“Yes. I had to kiss the git, so you owe me one. Besides, you’re the better actor. I’ll take care of everything else. I have a plan to keep Rhonda and a friend away from the Great Hall at dinner tomorrow. So your part is to drink this just before dinner, sit down at the Ravenclaw table at dinner and act like Rhonda like last time. When dinner is at its busiest, stand up, get everyone’s attention and announce to the whole school your undying love for the sexy beast we all call Professor Snape.” Fred started laughing.   
  
George took the phial. ”Fine, I’ll do it,” he sighed. “But only because you had to kiss the bastard.”  
  
“Oh, it wasn’t that bad.” Fred said casually.  
  
George gasped and looked at him in horror. “What?”  
  
“Just kidding. Relax, brother. Just think about how awesome tomorrow’s going to be.”  
  
“Well, I’ll be glad when it’s finished.” George admitted.  
  
“Me too, but it’s Christmas soon, and I couldn’t bare going home without finishing this with style!” Fred chuckled. “But you have to promise me that you never talk about this to anyone.”  
  
“Like I would have done that.”   
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
Fred Weasley lay in bed that night, not able to sleep. He thought about what he was supposed to do the following day, and he felt his stomach turn. He had a really bad feeling about this prank and was sure it was going to go horribly wrong. Why had he agreed to this? They were going to get expelled for sure.   
  
The thought of his brother’s eagerness was perhaps the main reason why Fred had agreed to this madness. He had always felt that he was the initiator in this prank and that George had at times just reluctantly agreed to it. So now that his brother suddenly had come up with a prank so huge and done all that work, Fred felt obliged to go through with this. He owed his brother that much, even if he was sure that Snape would kill him, or Umbridge would have him sent to Azkaban. And George was right about one thing: If they managed to pull this off, it would be the prank of the millennium!   
  
George Weasley was lying in his bed too. Wide awake. He was livid. He really didn’t want to do the final Polyjuice prank the following day. Snape was already suspicious and this would definitely expose them. Why had he agreed to this? So what if Fred had kissed Snape last time? It wasn’t as if George had forced him to do it? He still had a feeling that Fred was a bit too much into this prank for his own good.  
  
But he would do it. Fred said he had taken care of everything, and he trusted him. Besides, it would be over after this time. At least George hoped so. But he was still mad at him and decided that this was the last time he would let his brother control him like that. After new years it would be no more Mister-Nice-George. If he didn’t want to do something, he would not do it!  
  
“George,” Fred whispered.  
  
“Umphg,” George grunted back.  
  
“About this thing we’re doing tomorrow…” Fred started.  
  
“We agreed _not_ to talk about it, didn’t we?” George huffed back.  
  
“Yes,” Fred answered.   
  
“Then we are not going to talk about it. Good night.” George said and turned his back on his brother and pretended to be asleep.  
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
Fred Weasley looked at the time. Another twenty minutes until classes were done for the day. He glanced over at his brother who looked as he was thinking the exact same thing. A part of Fred couldn’t wait for Umbridge to finish the extremely boring Defence Against the Dark Arts-lesson, but another part of him didn’t want it to end ever. Dinner was coming up and although Fred could feel his stomach growl, he knew he was not going to get down a single pea.   
  
He was feeling a mixture of excitement and fright about what he was about to do. He was terrified and had a really bad feeling, but at the same time he kept thinking about how brilliant the prank was if they actually managed to get away with it. He continued copying the text Toadface had set them to do, but had no idea what he was writing. A few minutes later Umbridge dismissed her class and the twins started packing up their things.  
  
Out in the hallway both of them stopped and looked at each other.  
  
“Er, I just have to go… you know.” George mumbled and left his brother.  
  
“Yeah, me too,” Fred mumbled back and went towards the bathroom nearest the Great Hall.  
  
He went into a cubicle and locked the door behind him. He pulled out the black robes from his book bag and slowly changed into the outfit. He put his own clothes back into the bag and took out the phials with the potion and the hair.   
  
He swallowed hard and put the hair into the potion. Instantly it turned into something that reminded Fred of oil. He gathered himself and tossed down the potion. Even if this was hardly the first time drinking this stuff, Fred could never get used to it. And the very thought of drinking a part of Snape made the taste even worse.  
  
He felt his skin prickle and knew that the changing had started.   
  
After a few minutes Fred unlocked the door to the cubicle and went out and into the bathroom. He hid his bag in a corner and went over to the sinks and the mirrors. He looked up and looked straight into the face of Professor Severus Snape.   
  
It was the weirdest thing Fred had ever seen, and he suddenly had an idea. He just had to try this. He looked in the mirror and smiled. The widest smile, the biggest grin he could muster. The look of the Potions Master smiling was the strangest picture ever. Fred started laughing, and the thought of Severus Snape standing there smiling and laughing made Fred feel a lot better. He could really do a lot of mayhem in this body if he wanted to. He just prayed that George did his part of the deal and kept the real Severus Snape a long way from the Great Hall.  
  
Fred took a deep breath and put on a more typical Snape-face. Then he walked out of the bathroom and into the Great Hall.  
  
No Snape was in sight, and Fred took his place at the staff table. The dinner appeared and people started filling their plates with various foods. Fred’s eyes glided across the room. It was a strange experience seeing the Great Hall from this angle. His eyes fell automatically on the Gryffindor table. There he could see Ron, Harry and Hermione sitting huddled together as usual. He saw Lee Jordan filling his plate. He looked quite alone, Fred thought and then it struck him that he didn’t see George anywhere. He searched the room, but couldn’t see his brother anywhere. And since Fred himself was at the staff table, it was no wonder Lee looked alone. Fred decided that George was probably off dealing with the keeping-Snape-away-from-the-Great-Hall-plan and continued looking at the house tables.  
  
He noticed that Ginny was sending weird looks over to the Ravenclaw table, and noticed that she was looking at a boy he believed was called Michael Corner. He made a mental note to check up on this issue later and feed the boy some Noseblead Nougat or something. His eyes continued scrolling the Ravenclaw table and his eyes fell on Rhonda Ronton. Fred got a big knot in his stomach by the sudden reminder of the thing he was there to do. He looked at the poor girl. She looked completely lost and out of place. Everybody around her was talking, laughing and eating, but Rhonda looked pale and a bit shaky. She smiled politely to the Ravenclaws next to her, but Fred never saw her say anything.  
  
He was brutally interrupted by Hagrid who nudged him and asked him to pass the salt. Fred just mumbled something he couldn’t even make out himself and passed Hagrid the salt shaker. He then realized that all the other members of staff had started eating a long time ago and his plate was still empty. He quickly grabbed some of the nearest dishes and took one bite, just to not drag any attention to himself. But Fred couldn’t eat much. His stomach would not be able to hold anything down at this state. So he sat there, pretending to eat and get distracted by everything and scowled at anyone that sent any kind of look in his direction.  
  
His eyes fell back on the Ravenclaw table again. He located Rhonda Ronton and noticed that she looked less out of place now. She seemed to be joining in on the conversations, something that made Fred feel a lot better. This girl was going to get a major surprise in a few minutes and Fred would have felt a lot guiltier if he knew that the girl was struggling with a ton of other issues in addition to being kissed by a snarky teacher.  
  
Fred forgot that he was impersonating Snape and continued to stare at Rhonda. He didn’t snap out of it before Rhonda Ronton’s look met his. They looked at each other for a minute before Rhonda suddenly winked at him. She gave him a seductive smile kept staring. Fred flinched. What had just happened? Why was she looking at him like that? She wasn’t supposed to look at him like that? He was Snape for Merlin’s sake. No student would look at Snape like that, would they?   
  
Fred was confused. Did Rhonda Ronton actually like Snape? That would make this situation a lot different than they thought. Perhaps this was a bonus, Fred thought to himself. If this girl actually fancied Snape, then she would definitely not push him away when he would try to kiss her. He looked at the time. Fifty minutes had passed since he had drunk the potion, his time as Snape was almost up. It was now or never.   
  
Fred gathered all his courage and rose from his seat. In all his concentration around the task he was about to complete he managed to knock over his chair and make a racket which made the whole room go quiet and everyone looked at him. He tried his best not to let it get to him and act as snapeish as he could. He kept his head held high and started walking from the staff table and headed for the Ravenclaw table. All eyes in the Great Hall were on him, and Fred felt nauseous.   
  
Suddenly Rhonda Ronton got up and stepped onto the bench and then the table, making everyone look at her instead of the Potions Master. Fred stopped abruptly. What was going on? What was she doing? This would ruin his plan. He looked at the Ravenclaw girl standing on the table, totally terrified.   
  
“Miss Ronton, will you please step down,” Minerva McGonagall called from the staff table.   
  
“This will only take a minute, Professor,” the girl answered. “I just have to say something.”  
  
The entire school was watching as the girl cleared her throat and pulled a piece of parchment out of her pocket.  
  
“There is a man, who I deeply desire  
A man that have set my poor heart on fire  
He’s snarky and mean, but I want him to kiss me  
And never again to ever dismiss me  
I want him to rub my body with lotion  
‘Cause everyone knows he’s the master of potion  
I want to feel you and your every shape.  
I love you forever, Severus Snape.”  
  
The crowd started whispering like maniacs. Fred Weasley in Severus Snape’s body stood petrified glaring at the Ravenclaw girl who was still standing on the table.   
  
This girl was really in love with Snape! Fred had to seize this opportunity. Maybe they would actually get away with this? He decided to go for it. He rushed over to the Ravenclaw table and climbed onto the table.  
  
He grabbed Rhonda Ronton around the waist and felt the girl struggle to get out of his grip. But he held her firmly, noticing how much stronger the professor was, and kissed the squirming girl.   
  
Fred noticed a lot flashing light coming from the Gryffindor table, and he heard the crowd gasp, but he didn’t let go of the girl until he heard Dumbledore call from the staff table: “Professor Snape and Miss Ronton, will you join me in my office, right now?”  
  
“Just a moment, Professor Dumbledore,” a voice called from the other side of the room. Everyone turned their heads and looked at another Severus Snape standing in the doorway.  
  
Severus Snape pointed his wand at the two people standing on the table and Fred felt his feet stick to the table. He couldn’t move. He noticed that Rhonda Ronton had the same problem. Fred was starting to panic. The two were stuck at the table as the real Severus Snape came closer.   
  
“What is going on Severus?” Dumbledore looked confused.   
  
“This behaviour is absolutely unacceptable,” Dolores Umbrigde exclaimed. “I would have to tell the ministry about this.” She got up and was about to leave the room when Dumbledore got her to sit down and listen to what the Professor had to say.  
  
The two people on the table were writhing and squirming desperately to get away, but neither of them could move. They were pressed against each other and Fred felt Rhonda Ronton getting as desperate as him to get away.  
  
“Well, as even the slowest of you have probably realized by now, is that that person is obviously not me.” Severus Snape spoke as he walked towards the Ravenclaw table. “But I’m not the only one that has been the object to this unbelievable childish prank. Will you come out, Miss Ronton.” ‘  
  
The students and faculty turned their heads against the doorway again as the real Rhonda Ronton stepped into the room.   
  
Fred’s heart sank. If _that_ was Rhonda Ronton, that meant that this person standing pressed against his own body would have to be…  
  
The thought made Fred want to throw up. He looked at the person next to him and saw that George had obviously figured this out before him because he looked the exact same way.  
  
The two twins were standing on the table, all eyes on them and not able to move. Fred looked at his brother who looked back in contempt.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Fred whispered to his brother.  
  
“You should be,” George hissed back, and Fred saw that his twin was starting to change back into his normal self. He looked at his own hands and felt the change start on himself as well.  
  
The crowd gasped as their Potions professor and the girl started changing into the Weasley twins. The Slytherin table burst out laughing, while the Gryffindors were still in shock by the whole thing.  
  
“Well, it looks like there’s no more explaining to do,” Severus Snape smirked as he looked at the twins on the table.  
  
“Well, Severus and Miss Ronton, will you still join me in my office?” Dumbledore couldn’t help but smile a little. “Mister Weasley and Mister Weasley will be joining us of course. The rest of you can go back to your meals if any of you are capable of eating after this incidence.”  
  
Fred felt the spell lift and he could once again move his feet. But his hand was still stuck to George’s waist. The both of them threw themselves off the table and Fred grabbed the nearest goblet and tried to rinse the taste out of his mouth. He grabbed a napkin and tried to scrape his tongue. He looked at his brother right next to him, and he was doing the exact same thing. Meanwhile he could hear three of the four house tables laughing.   
  
He glanced over at the Gryffindor table where the whole lot seemed to want to die of embarrassment. Their house would probably be struggling with negative house points for the rest of the year even if the twins weren’t around to see it.   
  
Fred and George looked at each other and both tried desperately to pull away from the other, but Snape’s spell was too strong for them, and they had no chance. Minerva McGonagall led them out of the Great Hall and up to Professor Dumbledore’s office.   
  
Ooo---ooo---ooo---ooo---ooO  
  
“I must see I get a bit jealous watching you kiss this girl, Severus,” Remus chuckled. He was looking at one of the forty-seven photos Severus had managed to “confiscate” after the incident.  
  
“Don’t try to be funny, Lupin,” Severus muttered. “I still can’t believe Albus didn’t expel the two mongrels.”   
  
“Don’t be so bitter, Severus” Remus smiled at his lover. “You got your revenge and got to humiliate them in public. They won’t try messing with you or anybody else for a very long time after this.”  
  
“I know, but I still have to see their freckled faces every day.” Severus sighed. “The only comfort is that Umbridge is keeping an even closer eye on them now.”   
  
“Well, order meetings will surely never be the same after this,” Remus sniggered. “I still can’t face Molly without chocking back a laugh.”   
  
“Well, maybe this will shut her up for a while,” Severus grinned.  
  
“You are a genius, Severus,” Remus kissed him gently. “Has anybody told you that?”  
  
“Not this week, no.” Severus laughed.  
  
“Do you have any more of that potion by the way?” Remus asked him.  
  
“Why?” Severus answered sceptical.  
  
“Oh, nothing, I just have a little plan of my own.” Remus winked. “I think it’s about high time that Sirius gets a little taste of his own medicine.”  
  
“I’m beginning to think I’m a bad influence on you, Lupin,” Severus chuckled.  
  
“Oh, you should have known, Severus.” Remus smiled and squeezed his lover in a tight hug.


End file.
